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Saturday, July 16, 2011

My sexual passage into womanhood

I am now going to relay a story that is funny and sad all at once.  And do you know what?  I have never told one single solitary soul this tale before, so you are the first.  YOU HAVE TAKEN MY SEXUAL WRITING CHERRY LOL.

OK, here goes (gulp).  When I was 14 I was looking through a stack of 45inch vinyl records in a record shop in the city when a man sidled up next to me and rubbed his cock up against my bottom!  I do not know whether he exposed himself to perform this act or if it was just through his clothes because I was too scared to turn around and eyeball the culprit. 

Strangely this wasn't such a big deal when you consider the back-drop of what was happening to me and my family at the time.  It is really too ghastly to discuss at this point so we won't go there just now.  However I want you to appreciate that my mindset was not a particularly good one, having already lost my sister to suicide 4 years earlier and now it seemed as though the nightmare was going to continue with me, just as it was for her.

I was a very vulnerable, passionate and an emotionally dependent individual.  I had not yet reached a level of maturity where I could get a handle on what was the matter with me.  It seemed that I was ready for love but love wasn't ready for me.  Going forward to about 18 years, I had quite a number of one-night stands and could not understand why the "love interest" did not want to take it further.  I wasn't talking about walking down the isle or anything like that.  I was just talking about a PHONE CALL the next day or something :).  Sadly my inability to foster a meaningful relationship at around this age made my confidence levels ~ such as they were ~ plummet and I withdrew from sexual activity for around 1 day (joke) ... no it was more like a year or something until I met my then husband around the age of 19/20.

One of the love interests from my teens is now famous on TV.  He is one of the presenters on 60 minutes.  The night he seduced me he promised we'd go to lots of events because the "Festival of Perth" was on.  All those years ago it was probably just some dude in a party hat waving a streamer and a porn movie playing in the background.  Needless to say the consummation took place that night ~ I'll spare you the sordid details.  I think I did see him again one more time.  Yes that's right when he tried to get into my pants again.  Yes he succeeded. :).  But after that I never heard from him again.  Of course it was never his intention to get INVOLVED with me ~ it's quite clear to me now.  But at the time I had stars in my eyes and he would have known that, but he didn't care.  I am not saying that all men are like this.  On the contrary ~ I have met some very loving and faithful men and their women folk ought to be very grateful to have one at their beck and call.

But for me it was a long way from girl to woman and unfortunately there were serious chinks in my armour.  I got bombarded with a lot of information which I still don't understand how it was relevant then and how it ever could be. I thought I would just find a place to hide and stay there forever.  And that I did.  But then something else happened to draw me out of my own prison and I am once more in the spotlight ~ telling you anything and everything ~ and hoping that by COMING OUT OF THE DARK someone will benefit from a life which is far from perfect and perfectly far from perfection. 

Alas it is lights out for Qt so we must part.  It is such sweet sorrow :).  Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter in this series of illuminating blogs.

1 comment:

  1. wow what can i say, u were quite active sexually in ur teens and here is where u first hinted at what happened to ur sister and urself and that family member was involved. don't know 60 minutes so couldnt even try to guess who that guy is.will continue reading and as always ur in my thoughts day and night <3