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Saturday, January 28, 2012


Ever had one of those apocalypse moments where some idea you've been playing around in your head (like a Rubik's Cube) suddenly CLICKS into place and you've thought of something TOTALLY unique and brilliant?! Sadly because you didn't WRITE IT DOWN immediately due to some extenuating circumstance, you LOSE your precious thought and it has now perished forever. Kinda like when you force quit and think OH FUCK I WASN'T QUITE FINISHED WITH THAT & YOU DIDN'T BOOKMARK IT EITHER. Well that's what happened to me in the kitchen. There I was, starkers (I KNOW IT'S NOT A GOOD PARENTAL LOOK. GIVE ME A BREAK IT'S BEEN FUCKING 42 DEGREES HERE THIS WEEK) getting Samantha a drink when I noticed there was blood on the mixer tap. I knew not whence it came as Samantha nor myself were injured and there were no other signs of accidents. My dilemma soon passed as Mum entered the kitchen from the front garden, covered in blood from where one of the rose bushes had spiked her. Could a ROSE BUSH be symbolic of a woman, just as anything remotely resembling a penis is the phallic symbol for a man? Well, at least we should be allowed ONE thing all to ourselves! The BEAUTIFUL Rose, sweet and lovely to sniff or just gaze at longingly. Fucking watch out if you upset the thorns nestled LOVINGLY underneath it's precious petals, quivering with anticipation and desire to GIVE YOU HELL if you so much as BREATHE in the wrong direction. Doesn't ring any bells with any of you dear readers? Once again I have lost my train of thought. Now only a BLOOD CURDLING image of a RED RED ROSE, the petals awash with blood that runs down the stem and into oblivion. Oh yes that's right ~ the fucking apocalypse. I've tried in vain to remember what the EUREKA moment was connected with to no avail. However I guess if you are trying to see the GLASS HALF FULL (which trust me I am these days) you'll tell yourself that if you've thought of something once, you'll be able to recapture it. A bit like rekindling an old flame. That has never happened to me BTW, it's just an analogy. Don't try and draw any conclusions from what I tell you, just listen ~ there's a good reader =-) I want to tell you things. The things that I have to tell you may not be particularly pleasant to your ear. I think the unpleasant part has a place in my story, just as all things unpleasant happen to people all over the world at any given time. Would we rather not have unpleasant things happen to us? Or do we NEED such events to happen ~ to stir us up, SHOCK us into seeing something that otherwise we wouldn't see? Imagine if you lived in UTOPIA? Would you give a fuck about anything anymore, if everything was perfect? I guess you'd have to give a fuck about something right? That's what we humans do, WE GIVE A FUCK. If you are living on the Earth with a roof over your head and someone in that household goes to work to bring back food, clothing and CREATURE COMFORTS, then yes, someone you know does GIVE A FUCK. So why all this analysis on GIVING A SHIT? Well I for one think it's pertinent to do so. We are living in modern times with lots of mod cons to keep us amused, entertained, stimulated. We dislike boredom INTENSELY! We consider it our BIRTHRIGHT TO BE ENTERTAINED! First of all by our parents who have an answer for all our whinging. Then it's the friend/lover. Then when our heart is broken to such a degree that our LOVE CRIMES become too great for us to bear we escape into a digital world of fun, freedom and fucking. Then we curse our lives and feel incredibly lonely. How many THEN'S can I use in one paragraph? =-D. Is this the kind of world we want our children to come into? And do we even ENJOY all the work associated with relationships, when all is said and done? What are we even DOING here? Never mind HOW we came to be ~ now that we're here, what the fuck are we gonna DO? I don't think so far it's worked out THAT well. When you really take the time to analyze it ~ just how WONDERFUL are we and where are we going with all this technology? It's amazing, I agree with all of you on that score. But now, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH IT? I have even asked young people on FORMSPRING what they think social media is all about and why are we doing it? They just say ~ IT'S FUN SO WHO GIVES? And they laugh. That's because they're not old enough to understand that the best minds need to be STRETCHED and CHALLENGED. Hedonism has it's place. The world can be addictive in it's pleasures. But is that the REAL reason why we're here .... JUST TO HAVE FUN???? Because if that's it then stop the world, I WANNA GET OFF NOW. This really isn't that much fun for me anymore. Let's see I'm 45 now. My calculations and savvy mental capabilities mean I can configure that I'm a bit more than half way through IF I'M LUCKY. I could go under a bus tomorrow ~ that would be sad. I guess. I don't want a funeral BTW. Don't come crying on my grave ---> I REALLY COULDN'T COPE WITH THAT. I'D DIE OF SADNESS ~ but I'm already dead by then, that's right. Anyway it is a long time yet to contemplate my navel. It are many more meals, many more sleeps, many more shits until my body will finally give out on me and become part of the Earth and all the shit and muck down there. How am I going to fill up all the time in-between eating, sleeping and shitting? Our forefathers have made it possible for us to be here today, sharing ideas, living in peace and living in comfort with all the things we need to survive and more. Do you think they'd be happy to know that all their efforts culminated in most of us wasting away typing into a machine in the hope of finding THE MISSING LINK? Why is it we cannot find it out there, in the REAL WORLD? WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? In what VITAL ways should humanity change if we want to be here until the "END OF TIME?". Or don't you care, as long as YOU ARE LIVING NOW? JUST HAVING LOTS OF FUN, THAT'S ALL. BECAUSE I REALLY DO DESERVE IT. I don't know, do we? Maybe we don't. Perhaps that is what someone is trying to tell us. Just a cruel game and the joke's on us yeah? But I'm trying to see the world as a GLASS HALF FULL these days. Why? Because although it is good to express our TRUE feelings, we mustn't dwell on them. We acknowledge things AREN'T COOL, and we get on with it. Because that's what we do. WE JUST GET ON WITH IT. I mean, what else can we do? The end of the rainbow doesn't have a pot of gold at all. Rather I think of it as a place whereby you've let EVERYTHING GO. You're an empty shell of a human being, ready to absorb everything again like a sponge. And this time around you'll do it right and it'll work. YOU CAN MAKE THE WORLD SEE THAT THEIR IGNORANCE AND GREED IS KILLING US ALL, OR IF IT HASN'T YET, IT SURELY WILL. Can you know TOO MUCH? No, because as soon as you understand it, you do not understand it again. I have now realized the life cycle is exactly that, and what you knew sub-consciously as a child you'll learn 10 times over as an adult and if you're lucky enough to make it into old age you'll see that you knew everything there was to know when you were born.

1 comment:

  1. we live, we love, we learn and then we die ... and in the end we wonder ... did my existence help or make any difference to anyone or anything ... unlike Jimmy Stewart we dont have Clarence to show how life would have been if we weren't around ... so we do best we can and hope we are remembered in some way.
    I think u r a wonderful mother (even starkers getting water for ur daughter Sam) and have made impact in her life, ur sons, mothers and many more .. u r loved and i respect ur dreams and love u too <3