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Friday, November 9, 2012

Seemingly Lost Yet Found And Then Lost Again

"The World Is A Complete Mystery To Me, And Yet I Have All The Answers"

Hey. You know the one way in which ~ that I know of at least ~ East and West comes together is in our perception of opposites that exist in the world so clearly in just about every aspect of our lives. You may say to me, "How So Cappa?"

And I'm glad you asked. I want you to ask me questions, because my life is my experiment. You may say, "Cappa, you're cracked." And I may say back to you, "Excuse me, but part of me is a part of you, so if I am indeed insane then I guess you must be a little bit that way yourself, or at least capable of becoming so. So with these facts in mind I ask that you stay with me and listen to the things I have to say, because I feel they are relevant. You may not think they're relevant NOW. Indeed, you may have no idea what the fuck I'm banging on about and why be so fucking OBTUSE?"

I used to feel that way about adults when I was a child. Why a RIDDLE all the fucking time? Just come right out and say what you have to say and don't leave me in the dark like a frightened CHILD!! I even had an Evil thought once. Yes I did, and no don't shake your head like that, after all if one has any imagination at all then you'll be easily lead into the MACABRE just as I was at a certain age. The mysterious, the slightly warped, slightly off-kilter stuff would entice me like a little girl to a lolly pop. Not the outright horrific shit with people's heads being blown off or eaten etc ~ I saw THAT on the evening news ...

No it was the "SOMETHING'S NOT QUITE RIGHT" stuff that had me hooked. And I didn't know it was even that at the time. I was just intrigued with the darker side of life ever since I could imagine anything at all. Why do you suppose that is, dear reader, that I should have been so fascinated with everything morbid? In retrospect, it was jolly lucky that I WAS like that, because the turmoil that I have had to go through was immense and perhaps my knowledge of SINISTER things allowed me to suffer through the pain in silence. Yes I have EXTREME mental pain. You may wonder what the hell it's all about? Why have I suffered so IMMENSELY at the hands of ... well, YOU actually. All I can say is, I must FEEL MORE than the typical person. I must understand MORE than the typical person, and above all, I must have much MORE LOVE to give than the typical person.

I don't been to be smug, really I don't. And I don't expect you to just take my word for it either. I mean who the fuck WOULD in this day and age, where everything that you read seems like either regurgitated bullshit, bland as fuck or basically just plain rude at how DUMB they must take you for. Do you think I was born yesterday, do you? Well I'm sorry but the answer to that is ...NO! I was born a very fucking long time ago. Longer than my looks may indicate. And this is not ALL down to air-brushing, but a lot of it is sadly. But you know, air-brushing is just one step towards plastic surgery. I guess you can have a GOOD LOOK at yourself completely unblemished and pristine - you know the way movie stars do - and decide for yourself ... "Can I live with the way I look now and accept any love that may come my way?" OR .. "Can I spend a lot of time, effort, money and pain in order to become this person in reality?" I mean why do we all want to look the same? I think the character of a person is reflected through their outward appearance, and confident people have learned to USE WHAT THEY'VE GOT to their best advantage where somehow DEPRESSED people have not.

You know everything that you are you have LEARNED to become, one way or another. It could be from DIRECT IMAGING, which apparently men do more than women. Of course their Father is the targeted IMAGE - unless they're GAY - then they're confused for a great deal of their childhood because they appreciate - much more than us - that your GENDER and the way you feel SEXUALLY about men and women is quite important in the way others PERCEIVE you. Women FEEL a lot more than men and accordingly become aware at a younger age that DIPLOMACY may get you further than ARGUMENT. We also learn that the POWER of a man is only in his TESTOSTERONE, which gives him muscles and also his SEX DRIVE ... and WHO do they want to have sex with? US! :). Well on the most part anyways. That's where US WOMEN FOLK come in. Sadly for guys, they become incredibly frustrated with us because they can't just walk up to us, rip our clothes off, fuck us and then fuck off. Imagine if it really were THAT SIMPLE! You fellas wouldn't give a fuck about us anymore. Because deep down inside your mind that's all we're good for. NOW I'M NOT JUDGING YOU FOR THAT OK? Deep down I think you're only good for STRENGTH - because I don't understand everything YOU DO EITHER. So by the same token - DON'T JUDGE ME! I'm just the messenger here. I'M TRYING TO FUCKING HELP YOU, REMEMBER? I didn't say there wouldn't be pain ....


Capfantastic xxx


  1. wish i could ease ur mental pain. another interesting blog Caz. be well my love xxx

  2. Thanks Jimbo. It is, of course, irreversible. However, there isn't a broken heart in the world that can't do good works for others. It's just finding out what they want :)

  3. i know it is irreversible, as i can forget sometimes my minor abuse but it still lurks there at back of mind, but i truly believe that if we had lived in same country and had chance to meet that between us we would have been able to find happiness together and maybe even with Sam and James been loving happy family of our dreams ..... love u always xx