HE'S A REALLY USEFUL ENGINE.

That's what I like about men is they're useful.  Well admittedly there'll be some of you that are better than others and there'll be some that can't do a fucking thing I guess, but generally speaking I think men are very useful in their ability to lift heavy shit, balance on roofs, repair shit and clean shit that's high up, that sort of thing.  Bloody marvelous they are and I bet their wives don't tell them what an absolute advantage you have to be hooked up with a useful man.

You may be wondering what's wrong with me for not having one of these useful people around?  Well as a matter of fact, they are around.  I mean, not quite where I want one yet *wink* but they're AROUND.  If you think I'm being obtuse then you're right.

There are some things you just have to put down to *the luck of the draw* and where love is concerned I must have drawn the short straw.  Perhaps I tried too hard at one time?  Perhaps I've learned the lesson too late that you can't force it and you can't really trust it either.  I'm supposing that the older married people I see still holding hands in the shop are evidence that marriage can be a very excellent union and a very productive one for both individuals.  The secret ingredient to marital success is that after the initial flush of sexual attraction has *warn off, you must be blatantly honest with yourself and assess whether or not you feel a certain sense of compatibility.  If there is any doubt whatsoever I truly believe it's better to let someone down at this point ~ no matter how painful ~ than it is for your significant other to feel a never ending resentment for the fact they can't seem to make you happy.  Fact of the matter was they always loved you more than you loved them.  Whilst the latter is the most "comfortable" place to be from an emotional perspective, it's a situation that's hardly healthy for either party, as both of you are at complete mental loggerheads with each other.  The resentment that one partner feels for being unappreciated falls on the hardened heart of the other partner, who married for reasons that they probably THOUGHT were love, but turns they were not love but something else (ie. Insecurity).

I still feel that I'd function better however if I had the intimacy of marriage.  Of course for me circumstances play a huge role and I doubt that I could ever find anyone, and of course by TRYING to find someone I have broken the sin of FORCING love, which of course can never be achieved.  Love on a higher plane could be represented by the love you have in your heart for your fellow man.  If you have a lot of compassion and empathy for the plight of humanity then you'll be what I'd call a LOVING person.  If I watched a porn star going up and down on a stiff dick however I wouldn't necessarily consider her a LOVING person, although she indeed may be performing a loving ACT, I don't necessarily perceive that as LOVE.  Possibly because it's the physical gratification of sexual activity that makes it seem like something SELFISH, when often the "ACT" of sex is what we create to make our significant other feel GOOD about the sexual sensation.  So hence if you said to me, Carolyn, you have a choice of a guy that's either a) compassionate and empathetic or b) Hung like a donkey ~ I guess I'd have to go with the former and hope like fuck that his dick was as big as his heart.

I wouldn't like to think my life will always be this barren.  Although I'm fully aware there are many people who live a fairly long part if not all of their life single.  I must admit the independence of single life is extremely attractive in some respects but if you really care about your beloved it won't be something you think twice about when the time comes.  It will be as natural as leaving your old life behind and embarking on a new journey, but this time with someone you can share it all with and fuck as well.  Sounds good doesn't it?