RUM AT 7AM

I'm not an alcoholic.

I could give it up with the snapping of someone's fingers.

Just give me a life that's worth living, with a purpose, with direction, with love, with care and I'll stop medicating.  Take away my relentless sadness and replace it with something worthwhile and I'll promise you that I'll go on the wagon.

Not that I can't function perfectly well whilst completely intoxicated.  In fact there are times when I handle people BETTER whilst drunk or stoned.  Because I'm not so anxious about their response or mine.  In fact, I couldn't give a shit.  People like people that don't give a shit because it puts them at ease.

There's nothing to compete with here.  Nothing that I'm particularly passionate about.  I'm not a sportsperson, I'm not a sex maniac and I'm not after a pay cheque now.  Admittedly at one time not so long ago I dreamed of being super rich so that I could give my kids the best standard of care and opportunity that money could buy.  I dreamed of employing people that I CHOSE to have around me because the people that you have around you greatly influence not only your mood but your productive capabilities.

And I spend 8 grand a couple of years ago trying to establish my business.  That 8 grand could have gone towards Samantha and James' care, but I wanted to be responsible for the supply of THAT care and not coming from the Government's coffers.

I hope that Justin Blake and his Fortune 500 cronies enjoy my money.  They never did build me a website.  All that I got was a few lessons in making my website the top Google search.  Oh fucking hell great thanks.  No wonder you fly around in your jet and yet are an extremely private human being.  If you tried to enter public life you'd be egged.

Now I'm sick of this game.  I would not believe a jolly thing that anyone ever told me via email regarding pyramid sales schemes.  I don't care what you try to tell me about market saturation, I believe that unless the product you're trying to sell stands the test of time as a valuable and tangible commodity, your time in business will be fucking short.

BUYER BEWARE:  Don't believe any of the crap they try to tell you!  Until we can get to the bottom of just WHO THE FUCK is making the money, don't part with a single fucking cent.

One day someone will come knocking on my door and I'll say to them, "OK, PROVE IT!"  "PROVE to me and the rest of the world that you're not some fly by night cunt who's gonna steal my money and fuck off and then we'll listen"

But I'm afraid that day may not come whilst I'm alive.  But I'm not really afraid anymore you see, because now I've had enough.  Had enough of everything.  No more joy.

"OH YEAH ~ LIFE GOES ON.  LONG AFTER THE THRILL OF LIVING IS GONE."