Sadness (Enigma)

I like music.  I like sadness.  Sadness has become what I am.  Sadness is what gets me up in the morning and sadness is what I go to bed with at night.

I think I would not be able to carry on without my sadness.  It has become my crutch.  It is as though the sadness inside me is my STRENGTH and should I let all of it go I would be left a very mediocre person with a mind filled with nothing but bitter sweet memories of how my life and other's lives could have been

So I stand up for my SADNESS and I feed it daily with all the things that perpetuate that feeling.  I've got lots of circumstances and experience to draw upon to foster that sadness and so the twisted pain that I feel towards my fellow man in my head continues to flourish.  You too would feel like this if you had had the things happen to you that have happened to me.

It is possible to relinquish your pain and let it all go and be free.  The difference is with me is I cannot be free of my SADNESS.  My SADNESS IS ME.  Without my pain and SADNESS the best part of me would die.  I will always long for the people in my life that should have been there for me ... MY SISTER, MY DAUGHTER, MY FATHER. And sometimes I do ... sometimes I have it completely worked out.  But then it slips through my fingers again and I find I'm back to square one.

The suicide of a sibling, the sexual control of a warped Father, a mentally disabled child, and the misunderstandings of a world gone bad.  That's what living represents to me.  The only time I feel any sense of wholeness on the planet is when there is music and drugs.  They take me out of this cruel world.  They ensure that my escapism is complete.  One day they will be my ticket out of here ... probably in a wooden crate bound for cremation.

People can't hurt you when you're ALREADY BROKEN.  You shouldn't use a beautiful woman for your own sexual gratification.  If men are meant to love and protect me then they have failed on so many levels.  And if women are meant to be a part of the SISTERHOOD then I haven't seen much evidence of any of this love in action.

Women need to be independent and free to seek out their own way of life.  They shouldn't be made to wear black robes from head to foot in case some other man finds them sexually attractive and wants to fuck them.

MEN SHOW SOME FUCKING SELF CONTROL!  Just because we flaunt it all around on the TV, the internet, the magazines, cd covers ... in fact fucking everywhere really ... YOU MUST RISE ABOVE IT.  Don't allow the media to control your sexual desire.  You must search inside your heart and see if you can find the love and responsibility that is needed for you to make your women understand you again.  The trust you acquire in your lifetime is through a lifetime of knowing that YOU WILL NOT FALTER no matter what temptations are put in front of you.  If you take away the TEMPTATION, you are not RISING ABOVE IT, you are merely holding off the inevitable of WHAT WE ARE.

Temptation is controllable.  You can have your cake and eat it too but it takes time and you must return to your own innocence like a child to see what people really see when they look at you.

A RETURN TO INNOCENCE ..